A couple of afternoons ago I was making my afternoon snack when I caught myself in a dilemma. In my fruit basket were three apples that were well on their way to being rotten, but, since I hate wasting food, I was battling with myself about whether to use the apples or not. I thought maybe I could just cut away the bad parts, and I justified that once I got it all mixed up with the Greek yogurt I probably wouldn’t be able to tell that it wasn’t as crunchy as I like my apples to be.
Then I was hit with another thought. “I deserve a fresh apple!”
If I can lie to myself and tell myself that I deserve a donut or a slice of cheesecake (or fill in the blank), why would I not let myself “deserve” a fresh, crunchy apple?
I tossed the three deteriorating apples into the trash can, after dissecting them to discover that there really wasn’t much there to be salvaged, and I cut into a fresh-from-the store, delightful, sweet Fuji apple.
This morning, I thought back to that moment when I told myself I deserved a fresh apple, and I remembered that I had seen a book on Amazon about food addiction (although I can’t find it now) entitled I Deserve This Donut and Other Lies I Tell Myself or something like that.
I got to thinking about what we are really telling ourselves we deserve when we cave in to a sugar addiction. Are we really telling ourselves we deserve a tasty treat or are we somehow telling ourselves that we deserve to die? Are we telling ourselves that we deserve all the junk we can shovel in? Because that’s what it is. Junk. And that’s what it’s doing to us: it’s killing us.
My husband saw an old classmate at Walmart earlier today. He had heard that he had “bad” diabetes (isn’t all diabetes bad?). Really, I guess part of what he had heard was that his friend had diabetes and wasn’t taking care of himself. He said the guy could barely move.
“He must have major issues with his feet and legs because he can hardly get around,” Chuck said.
Do I deserve that? Do you? What are we telling ourselves we deserve when we say “yes” to a few brownies? Something to think about.