I have discovered something about myself. I have food sensitivities. Chuck and I were watching a Netflix movie last night called New Hope. In the movie the pastor’s son and his date left three pieces of untouched pizza on the pan when they left the restaurant. Just left it sitting on the table. To be thrown away. See, I’m sensitive to that.
I was watching Serendipity a couple of nights ago, when I noticed something that I hadn’t noticed the first four or five times I watched the movie. When Sarah took her best friend to Serendipity for her birthday, they brought her out a complimentary personal-size chocolate cake with whipped cream and a candle. The characters sat at the table and talked for another three or four minutes, and then they got up and left and her friend had not even taken a single bite out of that chocolate cake! Not a single bite! I was sensitive to that.
When I was a teenager I used to watch Happy Days. Sometimes the cast would go to the soda shop and order malts. (Later, in the 90s, the Saved by the Bell people did the same thing.) They would sit at the table and have conversations and, all the while they were sitting there, you never saw them take a drink of their malt. When they got up to leave the table, the malt was nearly full. Now, why would a person order a shake or malt and then not drink it? That makes me sensitive!
When I go to a restaurant, I don’t leave anything on my plate–unless I don’t like it for some reason or another or unless it’s the excess carrots I picked off my salad or the croutons. If I can’t eat it all, I ask for a box and bring it home. I don’t waste food, and it bothers me when other people do.
After I found out I had gained twenty pounds, Chuck stopped bringing me bags of cheddar popcorn. (Good boy!) But he is still eating it himself. The other night, he was munching a bag of popcorn (right in front of me, mind you), and he didn’t eat the whole bag. (The nerve!) He left about a cup of popcorn in the bottom of the bag and tossed it into the trash can. Thankfully, I was standing there when he did it so I could snap it right back out again! How dare he throw that popcorn away in front of me? It was bad enough that he was eating it in front of me! That made me very sensitive!
I shouldn’t have, but I ate the rest of the popcorn in the bag while I was sitting at the kitchen table, cutting up cauliflower for my Fakertot Casserole. I was ashamed to be eating it, though, because the whole family was present when we had this conversation about my weight gain and how I was going to stop having popcorn–so, when Chelsea came in from her room, I put part of a cauliflower stock in my mouth and started chewing that so she wouldn’t know I was sitting there eating popcorn. What kind of games do we play with ourselves and the people around us? Who do we think we’re fooling?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I have been very tired. A couple of nights ago I was so tired I could have cried. It was time for bed and Chuck got out the two sandwiches he had bought himself at Piggly Wiggly for his lunch for the next couple of days. When he unwrapped them from the foil he made a face and said, “I can’t eat these. They’re soggy.”
“Then why did you buy them if you weren’t going to eat them?”
“Obviously, I didn’t know they were going to be soggy!”
“Well, don’t throw them away! Cameron will eat them!”
“No, Cameron’s not going to want them.” So, I’m assuming he threw them away. I don’t know what happened to them. I hate buying stuff and then throwing it away! That makes me sensitive! Besides, he doesn’t know our son as well as I do because Cameron will eat almost anything!
I was tired and frustrated. Frustrated that he threw food away, but just as frustrated because he waited until it was time to go to bed to make sure he had his lunch ready to go for the next day. And now he had no food for his lunch. I went into the kitchen and opened the meat drawer and pulled out the deli roast beef and ham that I had purchased expressly for his lunch and set it on the dining room table. Then I set about collecting everything else I needed: the low-carb tortillas and cheddar cheese and mayo, as I prepared to make him a wrap.
“I don’t know if this is still good,” he said, eyeing the roast beef. “Is this green stuff on it?”
“Yes,” I sighed. “I told you I bought that for your lunch. You shouldn’t have waited so long to use it.” Right then I could have cried. I was kind of mad that I had to throw more food away and kind of mad that here it was, bedtime, and I was having to put together a wrap for Chuck to bring in his lunch, with just ham, since the roast beef had turned south, and I just wanted to go to sleep!
What I felt at that moment took me back to when I was a first or second-grader. My parents bought me nice dresses to wear to school, but some of them had buttons at the back of the neck. Not being very dexterous as a young child, it was maddening to get undressed for bed. I was tired and frustrated and just started pulling the neck of my dress, not caring, and, really, even hoping to pop the buttons off the back. Pretty much it was a silent, but full-blown tantrum. My dad would gently chide, “Ah-ah-ah-ah, watch what you’re doing. You’re going to pop your buttons off.” Probably my mom wouldn’t have been quite as patient.
Anyway, standing there, looking at the green roast beef (I do not like green roast beef and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am), I felt like having a full-blown tantrum. Yes, I was so tired and mad and frustrated that I could have done the whole biblical renting of my clothes!
It turns out that when I’m tired, I can be quite cranky. That’s something else for the Lord to work on, I suppose–as if He doesn’t have a whole laundry list already.
I don’t know what adrenal fatigue is, but I wonder if I have it. Maybe it’s worth looking into making myself a Singing Canary. I don’t know, but I’ve got to shake myself out of this sleepy fog!
Cameron wanted to watch a movie with me on Netflix today, in between routes, and he kept looking over at me and saying, “Mom!” because I just couldn’t hold my eyes open.
This is the second day in a row I haven’t done my treadmill. Granted, yesterday morning, I set out to do the treadmill, but then the belt stopped. I didn’t nurse it along until it picked back up like I’ve done in the past: I just got off. Chuck was right when he said I was just using that as an excuse not to do it.
The good news is that it’s Thursday and I have had about the best week on-plan as I’ve had for the last couple of months. I feel pretty good about it. Chuck and Cameron are already talking about my weighing myself again. It would be nice if I lost a couple of pounds this week. If it’s the food choices only, it’s entirely possible, but if exercise plays a role I’m probably not down an ounce. I think I did my mile the first three days of the week, but, man, I’m dragging. And my feet are stiff. And my left knee almost buckled when I got up to kiss Chuck goodbye before work today. And here I am making excuses again.
I survived a meeting at work today. Donuts and cupcakes were staring me down, but I avoided calamity. Then, because I’m now a Paparazzi jewelry consultant (yay!), I showed some jewelry after work and those same donuts and cupcakes were still there, taunting me even more, since it was now time for my afternoon snack, but I did not cave. I sold eight pieces of jewelry this afternoon (actually, the jewelry sells itself! It’s attractively made and only five dollars each!) and came home to make me a chocolate muffin in a mug with a tablespoon of unsweetened coconut and chopped 85% Aldi’s chocolate bar. That should hold me until dinner!
I feel good that I was able to resist–not that donuts have gotten my number, anymore, because I have definitely gained strength in that department. The sugary white frosting on the cupcakes, though, was flirting with me big time. Let me just say, I was very sensitive to that!
Tonight I’m fixing Mrs. Criddle’s Easy Chicken Enchiladas. (That’s an S, by the way, for all you Trim Healthy Mamas!) Chuck will be very happy. It’s one of the Trim Healthy Mama favorites around here. Even though I’m tired (and lazy), it shouldn’t be much of an ordeal. I just need to run to the store and pick up some tomato paste for the enchilada sauce.
I have found that shredding chicken is a breeze with the dough hooks on my Sunbeam mixer! I just have to be careful not to turn the chicken into mush!
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